| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|08:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | rhcp | ] |
so its been a while.
i must say it has.
i have been reading old entries and thinking back.
and i am so uber emo
i miss those times in a way.
i mean not the way you may think.
but i was talking to an old friend tonight and i told her how i miss her and the old atlantic. and i started to realize how much i miss a lot of things.
i miss so much and i cant believe i am a junior. i mean it feels like 2 seconds ago i was a sophomore and i had friends to meet between classes and not many people on bad terms and inside jokes and funny things.
and then i blinked
i cant say i have had a horrid time. i have had great times. and big letdowns. and big excitements. but i guess the grass is always greener on the other side, right?
i love alot of aspects about my life now. like my family and josh. and i have more of an understanding and am less naive. but i feel like i have lost alot.
i miss brittany blais alot. i wish this summer hadnt happened the way it did. two entries before this one i was saying how she and i were going to havign a great summer. and we didnt. we had far from a summer together.
I guess God intends it to be that way.
i just want a friend who will say i am her best friend and give me her stuff and loan me clothes and like the stuff i say and laugh about
i am tired of feeling lost and stupid
well thats it for tonight i hope tomoros ltm will be better than my last.
<3 amanda
ps i miss my dad |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | LUCKY YOU (lost prophets) | ] |
sometimes i feel as if the whole world is laughing at me
but nevermind that, just know that there is a great weekend in store for you all.
that part in that movie (i wont say which)is replaying in my head....
where julia roberts is chasing after the guy and he is chasing after cameron diaz.
and julia roberts is on the phone and her phone friend says "dont you see? he is chasing her and you are chasing him and no one is behind you!"
but my point is: unlike any other hollywood movie she doesnt get the guy.
i feel like i have so many situations where i havent been that girl getting pursued or i have been the one on the sidelines, backburner, or the back end of the chase. and i am tired of it; wearing my heart on my sleeve, or allowing myself to be lifted up only to be let down, and not even in a gentle way. in the way where i lay spralled on the floor broken.
thanks
i feel like this journal is just not worth spending time on anymore. atleast not for a while.
i am tired of venting in it, or letting out my problems for anyone to read. i need to be more confidential though so i guess this is the last entry in mandababe4. and i mean it this time.
peace the fuck out,
amanda helaine mistretta |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2005|04:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sugar, we're going down | ] |
ha! i think the last entry was definately commented out so i thought it was time for another one
i cant believe tommorow begins a brand new weekend. woosh this week went by so quickly
i dont know what i am doing for definate this weekend i do hear of many parties and sunday is mother s day
other than that i dont know.
school is pretty good. my grades are all great excluding chem, but thats nothing unusual.
and theres a boy on my mind. mostly everyone knows who he is, they have seen us walking around the halls or such. i am not implying anything besides the fact that he is definately on my mind a lot a lot.
are you reading this sugar?
OC two hours is tonight. not that i will watch but everyone else will. for i am sure of this.
i will probly get no comments here. but yea. |
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| guess what? i have a little something to say. |
[May. 3rd, 2005|03:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Ataris | ] |
To The People:
So I hear that certain individuals have viewed something written on my journal and/or myspace, and were not too pleased, huh? This message goes out to them. I want you to know that I am not sorry and I dont need to be lectured. And if you dont like me or care what I think then dont bother reading my journal filled with my own personal thoughts. I want you to know that from now and further more I do not care if you like or hate me. I want everyone to be happy and satisfied and there is always that hope in my mind that people all should get along with one another. I guess its been misunderstood, yes I dont want drama, but I can still say what I want. No one can control that. And yes you are right I am a bitch.
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME. THEN DO IT YOURSELF
peace out homies <3amanda
( READ THIS...A FEW SHOUTOUTS TO PEOPLE WHO READ THIS!!!! ) |
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| check this shit out |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|05:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | refreshed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | sugarcult | ] |
hola mi amigos
we are about to start a glorious weekend
dont knock it, seriously, we need to have a good time
school is okay, nothing great happened today
i heard some gossip that blew way out of the world
and all i can say is to those people use a condom
which led me and alyssa castor to a conversation about being virgins
which i guess i should be proud of?
since i am guessing no one has ever had that strong of feelings for me before
but i am still young here.
so i think tonight i am going to hang out with courtney and danielle and whoever else
it will be fun
i hope it gets this boy off my mind that i cant stop thinking of,
and it hurts because yet again this one wont be able to return the feelings.
i am not hurt tho its all good
well i only have an hour to prepare
so i best be on my way
i hope you are happy. to be honest. i wish that for everyone
i think you should check this out just to get a piece of mind:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/letsmakea_scene/
and if it means anything to you comment if not exit and dont think twice
i love you, but you dont love me
amanda |
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| You constantly make it impossible to have conversation keep us comatose, yet audible |
[Apr. 27th, 2005|03:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tbs | ] |
i just got home from school.
i am tired. scratch that. EXHAUSTED.
and i have cramps and back pains. ouch!
i am about to enjoy a long bath or shower. or both.
and then maybe i may drive to pick up courtney wilder.
[i havent had a friend here in a long while]
school is school.
i guess my grades are good excluding chem.
but i will bring it up!
yesterday i hung out with my friend josh,
he's something alright.
i think we are becoming good friends. but i never know with people these days.
its weird how warped people are.
i want to hang out with courtney or paulina this weekend.
today i took responsibility for something that really wasnt all my responsibility but i think that it was the right thing to do. it just showed me who is truly my friend and i care for.
COOKIE! BABE I LOVE YOU (i hate these corny shoutouts but really) and if anyone thinks one thing bad of her for no reason then you should think again she is one of the sweetest beautiful people i have met and i am tired of people ragging on her. so when someone blames her for something she didnt do and makes false accusations i will have her back. especially when i am partially responsible.
but and quote me here i am not a liar. i never left one of those anonymous comments. i guess those were people hating. and i wanted to stop it awhile ago. but i wasnt in full control of decision.
i guess i was wrong to do that one boring friday, but you know i am not sorry.
LIGHT BULB! try to live in harmony
and if you dont like me then exit my journal and dont get huffy.
<3 amanda |
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| good things come to those who wait |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|11:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brand new | ] |
so i am waiting.
if anyone noticed i cut about 5inches+ off my hair.
its just hair, but its different.
in may i am supposed to meet a special guy and our relationship with atleast last through june.
but then again this is according to my horoscopes in a few magazines.
but anything is possible
i made a new friend recently
they teach me new things in a weird way
tomoro is a tuesday.
oh boy i cannot wait.
but then again i cannot wait for anyday
we keep looking at cars. maybe soon i will drive it home?
til then mom has agreed to give me money to give ppl for gas to drive me places.
how lovely. i love that woman
as a reminder do sumthign special for your mom her day is coming up may 8th. dont forget
much love,
amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|11:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | fsdjfsf | ] |
i am so tired of those who succomb to act like others surrounding them
i know so much that i could burst i could tell you now
so many instances of being lied to in the last month
there are people i really fucking wouldnt mind never ever seeing again
i think you know who you are.
and just everyone be urself
today was a good day
i got things off my chest with micah; heard alot of interesting things.
and no i am not "raving on"
if you think so exit out of my journal. i feel like that girl is gone. just things you wouldnt get. this
made me feel accomplished even juanita praised me.
i wonder if she knows how she was my best friend for so long and was the only friend i loved enough to
hate?
i hope so.
i made a new friend and got something that will be great when i get an automobile
i am not going out tonight so if you call sorry i didnt answer
i love you all.
sometimes i just dont like you very much.
-amanda |
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| stolen from just nikki |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|03:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | FALL OUT BOY | ] |
I'm Amanda.
Don't forget it. (i'll be quizzing you later)
tendancy to be anti-social
sometimes i am TOO nice
lipgloss whore ♥
sometimes takes things too seriously
shy & outgoing
mostly organized
i am frequently sarcastic
i get jealous easy. but i don't show it
moves lips alot
wish i was more confident
says stupid things
sometimes smiles and laughs for no reason
hopeless romantic
RANDOM
loves sweet smellin stuff
loves to listen to music
hates rejection
insecure
craves attention
sweet
bite my nails when bored or nervous
sometimes i get hyper for no reason
sometimes a complainer
gets attached too easily
sleeps all day
selfish; when i need to be.
easily amused
hugs not drugs
loves to sing
blushes easily
obsessed w/the color pink
trips alot
loves to spend money
extremely emotional
smile and laugh easily
like it my way
look down when i walk
can be annoying
stubborn and bratty
can come off as a bitch
procrasinator
clumsy/goofy
take it or leave it because thats just me |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|09:49 pm] |
quote of the week:
HELPLESS TOURIST: "excuse me! can you tell me where the nearest highway is?"
LOCAL PIMP: "man fuck yo mama!" |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|03:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | fall out boy-chicago is so two years ago | ] |
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| where we finna go?? palm dale homies |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|05:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | afroman palmdale | ] |
hey everyone!
since i wont update again this weekend let me just tell anyone who celebrates it, HAPPY EASTER! i hope all of your spring breaks are concluding on a good note, and to everyone in IB i hope your papers came out well. since i last updated things have changed a bit. well new things have happened. i am finally healing from sun poisoning which makes me happy but i didnt get to tan at all over spring break. too bad. which the beaches in delray are closed today nehow due to the sewege leakage.
well i want to be upfront with everyone because the things i do represent me as a person (if that makes any sense). and from now on i just want to be free of worrying, because it hurts alot and wastes time. i am tired of having to apologize for numerous misunderstandings, so i am sorry to anyone who is not feeling great towards me right now. because i never do nething that has bad intentions behind it, i never do anything to hurt someone on purpose. i dont want to argue just accept it if you like and lets move on. a journey into the furture....Bucccoooc!
i will finish later
*addition*
so as i mentioned my life is taking turns..in different directions. i am still the same person i just am embracing life and kind of becoming not so much of a wallflower anymore. i just dont know who wants to be really in my life or are my friends. so i cleared out my friends list, and i left on a few people who have really aided me in the last month or two, people who have just overall been there. i appreciate it. i still love everyone i just dont know who passes up my entries on their friends of page, and the people i left on dont. so to everyone else if you still want to be on my friends list then comment because from now on this will be friends only. much love, amanda |
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| everyones caught on to everything you do |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|08:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brand new- mix tape | ] |
well i know people dont really read this, but i am home so i wanted to update. You see my last few updates didnt make sense. I am not trying to play different roles, or make one percieve me in different ways. Its just that one minute I will be very happy and the next i can be depressed like those entries. It could be hormones (haha) or maybe i need to start seeing a therapist again. Its just because i am trying ot hide alot of things and emotions, but i know that i should be appreciative of alot of things and know how lucky i really have it. and no one wants to listen to a girl always complainging it gets old, i know. so it isnt a coverup, i am not being fake, i am just tellin gyou things off the top of my head and heart.simply stated
so back to my life. i am up so early because danielle called. she is almost home. that makes me so happy. i probly will hang out with her today.
another thing i wanted to inform people of is that we are putting our house up for sale. i am only going to talk about this once until i know all the logistics but my mom wants to move again.
but i dont know if our house would sell so i am not jumping into things. the painter is coming to do touchups and the landscaper, we are having it appraised and we talked to realtors already.
just maybe if we move things will get better. i have been thinking about changing schools. But i def wouldnt go to pv and i hear boynton is really ghetto and as for boca, been there tried that, never ever ever again. so thats out of the question unless i moved up north with my dad, which i highly doubt i will be doing anytime since i really like florida. so i guess i will be at atlantic still.
hmm thats it for now i am going to figure out my day and i hope you all are having a great break!
<3amanda |
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| and i know youre just a sucker, for nething acoustic |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|12:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brand new | ] |
hola my readers. well i just got home. life is pretty cool. yesterday i went to cookies early. and i met her friend lizzie who is really sweet. we just made pancakes and then got ready and went to the town center mall. oh and on the way we stopped and saw casey and spencer. nehow, the mall was cool. a girl named helen came. she is so freaking cute and has great style, and she was so nice! yep yep. so we all had good shopping. i really liked this roxy tube top and it tuned out i had a gift card for the store i didnt even know about so i got it...and i got a pair of shoes from old nacy and pj bottoms from delias. yessers so then brandon and his g/f liz met up with us and this guy ben i think his name was...then we all went to kava bar, and then to lizzie's since her rents are out of town. and later on we went over to caseys and then we went back to cookies and ordered pizza in the middle of the night. i am so glad i went with them. they are so nice. yeah so i just came home and melissa amanda tina and i are going to see ring 2 this afternoon and i think i will spend tonight at home since i plan to be out all day and at night thursday. my sun poising isnt noticable nemore, but i still feel it. i need to get to the doctors.
much love,
amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|12:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rejuvenated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | mr brightside | ] |
wow! things change so fast! i am back to being happy again. lol. for the rest of the night my phone kept getting calls about 10 maybe 12! yeah for me that is alot. well those people all made me super happy. and realize what direction spring break is headed in, and where i am headed in the social scene; meaning i am making friends. i talked to anthony, man i love that boy...we are so hanging out. i am gonna shorten this up, but this week looks like:
tuesday:cookie,brandon &co..sleepover
wednesday:cookie, then ring two with melissa, sleep at home
thursday:anthony hall and that crowd, sleep out
danielle comes home thurs maybe friday. this weekend sat and sun i hope to spend with her
sorry for being so down earlier, i guess i was just being lame i figured out the problem and people who cared assisted. thanks for the comments minus the one who was probably happy to read it.
its getting good
amanda |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|06:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | straylight run: existentialism on prom night | ] |
i thought that this would be
a good spring break
the best i ever had
it sucks
its horrible
if i didnt believe in hell i would kill myself
this is what i HATE...this feeling of not belonging..this feeling that i bother people.
no one understands.
icouldnt reach cookie so i dont know about my plans for tomoro. and yes my curfew is too early to go to a party plus i dont even have a fucking ride, and i dont have ne fucking friends that are girls. i never feel right this doesnt feel right.
i called alyssa and she hung up, and then i called coral; that didnt go well. not that its their fault, but idk i am just not feeling great and this doesnt do me any better. theres so much i have tried to hide lately. and the other night when i cried with danielle there i let some of the pain out but i cant tell you. and wat makes matters worse is that someone is reading this with a grin spreading upon their face. and all i can say is congratufuckinglations, my sadness bring you joy.
i think i am going to go to sleep.
my body is made of skin & bones, so all you can see is a beating heart & a broken smile |
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| is that what you call tact? |
[Mar. 21st, 2005|01:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | bn...soco amaretto lime | ] |
hola, my fellow springbreakers.
well today is monday. and no i am not out at the beach or the mall or newhere where i would happen to collide with about 2.3 hundred people from school. lol. i am sitting in an empty office at my moms business and updating you on my life. which isnt that filled might i add. hmm.
okay, well here in the office i have just been taking inventory and working with labels and such. not to mention binding a bunch of paper, maybe tax returns..idk? oh how glamorous, correct? oh well w/e.
lemme get the whole around fam thing done so i can go out...pay my dues...respect my elders...i love familia. around midnight last night i went shopping online. and oh em gee, lemme tell you. i so want a credit card, which myne still hasnt come in?!, or i want to rob a bank, because hollister has alot of cute things and i want them all muahahaha.
ok enough of that shit. well so now the younger employees of my mother are convincing her that 12am is just so not suitable for my curfew. its so effin early!!!!! what ever happened to the days when i didnt have one?
ok so tonight? what will be up? i have no idea. ian called. and idk, i wish a girl would call me to hang out i just need to be around someone who i can relate to. or someone i can chat with idk.
my grandpa was hinting at buying a car for me? that woud be tizight. haha. but idk. right now i am just playing it cool. april 21st is the day i get my license. pretty pimp. i cannot wait.
today i keep listening to BN..i really like them i cannot possibly believe the things i have been missing out on.
oh god 11 year old here. reading me some nonsense from little teenybopper magazine TWIST. please some one help! eeek...welll much love-amanda |
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| its now spring break two zero zero five! |
[Mar. 19th, 2005|01:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | brand new | ] |
HEY PEOPLE!
well its been spring break officially since 2:50 pm yesterday. so far so good.
well my plans didnt exactly pan out but when i was stranded at school i ran into danielle! oh yeah. i love her. so yeah she thought we were hanging out anyhow so i was like okay this will be great. which it so was. we saw alot of people from school and from out of school. great people, fresh and familiar faces. oh boy.
danielle brought me home a bit ago. when we were in the mountaineer and listening to donovan and brand new i realized that she is leaving tomorow. and it makes me down. i dont exactly know why, because she is only going to be gone for 4 days. but i am feeling this pang. but i think we are becoming close friends. and it makes me happy in that way that my eyes tear up?! lol i am so emotional. well yea. life is good. be good.
<3amanda
ps "dont party too hard" lol...inside joke. |
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| DRAMA FREE IS THE WAY TO BE! |
[Mar. 14th, 2005|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | PERKY | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | SUGARCULT-SHE IS THE BLADE | ] |
HEY READERS! WELL TODAY IS MONDAY. I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY. I GUESS THERE ARE MANY REASONS FOR THIS. TO START OFF I HAVE COME TO THE REALIZATIONS OF MANY THINGS. BUT BEFORE I EVEN SAY IT LET ME INFORM YOU ALL OF SOMETHING...
KAYLI'S SWEET 16 WAS AWESOME.....
i finally got to meet the famous micheal....delicious food..dancing...cool people..great family...awesome bday girl
I <3 KAYLI..SHE IS THE SHIT.
SO YES. THIS WEEKEND WAS MAD COOL. SERIOUSLY. EVEN THOUGH FRIDAY I DIDNT DO ANYTHING IT WAS OKAY I NEEDED TO RELAX, SOMETIMES GOD INTENDS THINGS TO HAPPEN. THEN SATUR-DAY WASNT AWESOME EITHER BUT SATUR-NIGHT WAS WICKED COOL. THERE WERE UNFORTUNATE THINGS OF THE EVENING I HAVE TO SAY GOODLUCK TO KAYLI ON FINDING WHAT IS MISSING. AND TO THE OTHER PEOPLE I HAVE TO SAY I HOPE YOU ALL OVERCOME THE SHIT THATS HAPPENED BUT I CONSIDER YOU ALL MY FRIENDS.
NOW, LAST YEAR I MET SOMEONE COOL I DIDNT REALIZE HOW GREAT THEY REALLY WERE TO THIS WEEKEND. AND THAT IS </font></font>DANIELLE FROM THIS DAY ON I LOVE THAT GIRL. SHE HAS BRIGHTENED UP ALOT OF THINGS FOR ME. AND I AM NOW LOOKING AT THINGS ON THE BRIGHTSIDE, OH MAN THE GRASS IS GREEN.
I AM SORRY I HAVE BEEN DOWN FOR ALL THIS TIME. ITS SO GAY BEING DOWN. I GUESS I HAVE REALIZED THAT IN HIGH SCHOOL NOT TO GET ATTACHED TO ANYTHING B/C IT WONT BE THERE FOREVER. AND JEALOUSY DOESNT WORK AND NEITHER DOES SHIT TALKING. I AM SORRY IF I EVER SHIT TALKED YOU. I AM STOPPING. REALLY. I AM TIRED OF IT. AND LYING, WELL I NEVER HAVE TO BE HONEST BUT I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT EITHER. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. AND I WANT THE PEOPLE AROUND ME TO BE TOO. AND IF I DONT LIKE YOU THEN WELL WHO CARES...ACTUALLY THERE ISNT NE1 I DONT LIKE , WAIT DIDNT I SAY I WASNT GOING TO LIE? LOL. OK WELL I TRY TO MAKE THINGS WORK ATLEAST AND I DONT LIKE TO NOTLIKE PPL. WELL THEN THATS THAT. OH AND HIGH SCHOOL IS FILLER WITH FAKES, BITCHES, AND ASSHOLES, BUT I CANT CHANGE THE WORLLD SO I GUESS I JUST LEANRED TO LIVE WITH IT. OH AND I MET BRITTANY SHERSTY, MAN SHE IS SO FUCKING NICE. THIS IS LONG SO I AM GOING TO GO. CHEM QUIZ TOMORO. AND I HAVE TO REST I AM MONDO BURNED. IS WED LTM DAY? I SAW DAVID TODAY. HE MADE MY HEART GO BUDUMP BUDUMP(BUT REALLY FAST) HAHA.
MUCH LOVE,
AMANDA
these following people have brodened my horizons lately and i owe thanks to them:
KAYLI, DANIELLE, CORAL, ASHLEY!!!, AMANDA, MELISSA, ZAINA, BRITTANY BLAIS, LINDSAY, DEADRA, MICHELLE, ALYSSA C, COURTNEY, KELLEN, COOKIE, BRANDON, JAMIE, ANYA, PAULINA, LARA, MICAH, KIRSTIE, MY MAMMY, BILLY, AND THE JEFFS.... |
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